Boost your Business, for Free with NOOKKAD (really!)

What is Nookkad?
Nookkad is a free app designed to connect local businesses like yours with customers in your neighbourhood. It’s simple, transparent, and built to help you grow without hidden costs or commissions.

 

Why Join Nookkad?

1. Completely Free
   No fees. No commissions. Keep 100% of your earnings while reaching more customers.
2. Easy to Use
   List your business in minutes with a user-friendly app that works like platforms you already know.
3. More Visibility
   Get discovered by people in your neighbourhood looking for services you offer.
4. Real Connections
   Build lasting relationships with local customers who trust and value your services.
5. Increased Sales
   From walk-ins to online inquiries, more visibility means more business for you.
6. Grow Your Reputation
   Collect reviews and recommendations to build credibility within your community.

 

How It Works

1. Sign Up for Free
   Download the app and create your business profile in minutes.
2. Get Discovered
   Customers in your neighbourhood can find and contact you easily.
3. Grow Effortlessly
   Receive inquiries, manage orders, and see your business flourish.

 

What Businesses Say About Nookkad:
“I saw a 40% increase in customers within three months, and it didn’t cost me a rupee.” – Local Boutique Owner

 

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Backed by IITians with 25 years of industry experience in customer-oriented business and technologies, this startup is committed to empowering 95% of small businesses that are currently underserved. (blue part can be removed)

What's the feeling

  

Twice upon a time, there was Déjà Armetis, a young French woman from Texas in the 18^th century who was a scientist who had made a discovery of a wormhole in her research. Being of a curious nature (and having spent an unusual amount of time with cats) she decided to explore the wormhole herself.

Now this was a big mistake, because patriarchy.

 

However, she was a feminist, unfortunately for her, the wormhole was not (who knows, but the unfolding events certainly prove that it was not a feminist….but let’s not anthropomorphize wormholes just yet).

As she entered the wormhole it took her forward in time and then back to exactly where she left off; now strange are the ways of fate, the wormhole took a fancy to her and decided to keep crossing paths with her and every few days or months, it would just keep merging with her, showing her the future and then taking her back to the past.

Now one would argue this was a good thing and Deja should have immediately gone to the race tracks and waited for the wormhole, except the wormhole having been in existence for millennia and having been cheated upon by a black hole (who was a Scorpio rising) would always give her amnesia after she travelled through.

Having been a woman of some fortitude, she would still manage to remember details, except the details were foggy and inconsequential. She went to a Vietnamese doctor and told him of the symptoms: foggy recollection of the future, having been there and done that. The doctor’s interest was peaked, he was interested in the metaphysical having been part of a séance that had blown his mind (or maybe it was the acid he ingested) that he decided to contact all his like-minded fellows across the world for more information on this phenomenon.

Having been terrible at séance and once having had invited the spirit of a dead cricket to his home (oh the chirping, the endless chirping) he used telegrams instead. To his surprise, this was not an unknown phenomenon, but it had not yet been documented by the scientific community.

This was a great opportunity to be famous. He immediately called Madam Deja and asked if she was interested in publishing an article on this. Being a scientist, of course, not to mention since her cats had eaten her other research (it smelt of tuna) she needed a way to make money. She also had suitors at her door, she was turning 23 and would be called a spinster soon, and filthy lucre would keep her safe (and maybe even happy). She agreed and then they began to publish the paper.

This took weeks and weeks (the paper was written in 15 minutes, they just argued about who should get the lead on the paper name). It was finally agreed after much wrangling that Madam Deja would get dibs on the paper (this was because she had fallen to the communists and the good doctor was not going to cross her). And finally, the paper was published all over the world with their names; and that is how we get the name Déjà Vu. 

Call me Ishmael

I've had a revelation.

Remember love in the time of cholera. Well, it’s not like that, except maybe for the title.

You see, my sister has been down with the cold for a long time. And this time it was bad. Since she hasn't been feeling well, I've been driving her to work and back.

Awww….ain't I cute. But seriously, no hugs.

However, the downside of that was putting up with loud mucosal sounds was some sneak peeks at the contents of the tissue paper.

Now, while it’s quite possible to roll out of a running car going less than 20kmph and not get injured, it is a bad idea to do it if you’re the driver; with an unsuspecting passenger.

The feeling of wanting to upchuck and strangle my sister was quite strong. There truly was a strange disturbance in the force.

Regardless, my revelation comes at the point when I’m blowing my own nose and then admiring the icky contents of it.

So, that’s what it’s like to have a child!

When that icky thing comes out of my body it seems so well deserved but when someone else does it, it just makes me want to vomit. Kind of the same thing but with children.

I’ve decided to then live with my boogers and give children a miss. 

After all, you can take it, wrap it up and throw it in the dustbin if you want. And also do the same with boogers.

The making of My name is Khan (the true story)

Shahrukh Khan to Karan Johar: Hey, let's make a commercial film in the guise of a social message
Karan Johar: Yeah, in fact, lets throw in some nice autistic syndrome, look what it did for Darsheel Safary in Tare Zameen par.
Shahrukh: You're right. And before we release the film I'll tie up with every brand for PR AND i'll piss of Shiv Sena that'll lead to publicity while turning the people into stupid fools who'll buy tickets just to show us support
(Laughter all around)
Karan Johar: Cool, we'll call it My name is Khan after you but we'll tell the public, its about the common muslim
Shahrukh: Wow! That would increase our profits by 10% and my ego by about a 150%

Everybody Jerks (An R.E.M. Parody)

When the day is long and the night, the night is yours alone,
When you're sure you've had enough of this shag, well hang on
Don't let yourself go, 'cause everybody moans and everybody jerks, sometimes

Sometimes everything excites. Now it's time to jerk along
When your day is night alone, (hold on, hold on)
If you feel like letting go, (hold on)
When you think you've had too much of this shag, well hang on

'Cause everybody jerks. Take comfort in your shlong
Everybody Jerks. Don't throw your hand. Oh, no. Don't throw your hand
If you feel like you're alone, no, no, no, you are not alone

If you're on your own in this gratyfying, the days and nights are long,
When you think you've had too much of this shag to hang on

Well, everybody jerks sometimes,
Everybody moans. And everybody shags sometimes
And everybody jerks sometimes. So, hold on, hold on
Hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on
Everybody jerks. You are not alone

My hypoglycemic rant

HATE, DEPLORE, DESPISE and any other synonym that you can think of is perfectly apt for these reality/talent shows. And what peeves me off to no end is the fact that somehow they have managed to rope in children. For God’s sake, children!

I can only think back to those beautiful endless summers of my youth spent dabbling in mediocrity. Could there be anything better. The rat race is, after all, only full of rats and I’d rather be a cockroach. At least that way I get to survive the nuclear holocaust and have the highest chances of making it to Noah’s Ark’s kitchen.

Coming back to the topic of children and reality shows, so far we’ve been able to make a talented lot of people who will, thanks to living in the fast lane grow up to be suited, booted, rich, entrepreneurial, pre-mature ejaculators.

And why, oh lord, why?!

One must ask oneself this question and often, especially to others since the word why, I believe has the greatest talent amongst all the other W’s to piss one off.

But back to the why in this context. Perhaps the failure of the parents to make a success out of themselves? Of course, there could be so many answers. But I’d rather not be bothered by them. After all, questions are better than answers, after all, if you remember, you are tested in academia via questions; ergo questions should be held in esteem rather than answers.

Do you realize that we all loathe mediocrity, dare I say, we are afraid of it. Nobody wants to be labeled as mediocre or even average but isn’t that an irony in terms. Even if you’re an achiever, highly talented and the likes, and so is everyone else, you find that after all that hard work, you’re still mediocre, average, normal and ordinary even.

In the end, we are only creating are sheep in wolf’s clothing.

Oh, what a brave new world, that has such creatures in it...

Bathroom Nirvana

I have always has a penchant for sizeable bathrooms, probably because I have spent all my childhood within the confines of a large ‘Kothi’ albeit I had the dingiest room in it!

My dingy little room did not have its attached bath since it was connected to another room. Being the OCD child that I am, I cannot stand wading in a wet bathroom, or having the toothpaste squeezed from the top, or not leaving the bathroom seat down etc. So I had no other option but to waddle my teeny arse to the master bedroom, which had been converted into a sitting room way back!

Being the bath attached to the master bedroom, it was damn large with an attached changing room inside it!

Now I don’t know about you, but I like my privacy and personal space. And the fact is, you can bolt your door, retreat in your den or launch of to Jupiter, someone will always knock on your door, or ask you 20 questions as to why you want to be alone.

But a bathroom is just the perfect place to be. Firstly, you detox and secondly, and most importantly, no one comes knocking or asks you questions ( I know some of you will beg to differ, but can I help it if you live with uncouth people).

It’s so relaxing, that I actually has a book cabinet installed, got a cushy cover on the pots seat so I could sit for hours and indulge in a long, silent Bathroom Nirvana!