What the...

Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus, which eventually leads one to ask what happened to the Earthlings?

Being incompatible creatures in everything except for sex, which is some inter-galactic sadist’s way of keeping us on this planet, we can pretty much not do the other’s assigned tasks.

Take for example, some days back,where I had to rush for an urgent meeting, where I had to wear the only formal clothing I have ever possessed. Now being a man and highly diorderly, the clothes needed desperate ironing.

After leaving the iron to heat and laying the clothes on the table, the laundering began in earnest and the suit came out looking worse than before. But of course, I only realized that after coming home wondering why everyone in the meeting said I should get married.

A few days back, I was dabbling in the kitchen when my girlfriend came into the kitchen to dispose off the soup, which by now had acquired a mutated gooey look, after I had hopelessly confused the ingredients. Of course, being my girlfriend, with all empathy she told me “Don’t worry, practice makes perfect”. To which I added “Yes, but what makes Mulligan Stew?”

The reason why men become cooks is not that we can cook better but because after a host of cigarettes, tharra and street foods, we think anything that doesn’t try and regurgitate itself in the process of swallowing it down is gourmet. And everybody is polite enough not to say otherwise.

Humphrey Bogart once said that the world is about three drinks behind, but ever since someone else started buying the rounds it has pretty much raced ahead.

How else would you describe a world where women are becoming manlier {much to our disdain} and men are becoming feminine? Just yesterday, I was in the market looking at this adorable looking woman with a cute face, who was a bit on the flat side. Imagine to my surprise when she scratched her crotch, dug her nose and at the same time, incredibly, whistled the latest raunchy remix at two passing women.

That wasn’t as shocking a revelation as what I had when I was walking down a dimly lit road with a lady friend, who had, recently gotten a crew cut and was very well covered in an oversized sweatshirt and jeans, whilst I on the other hand was sporting a large ponytail, whose silhouette looked like an anorexic woman {but a woman none the less}. It was in that dark street with shady looking characters who I realized would have jumped me instead of her, had their way with me before I could yell “put your willy away or I’ll whip out mine”.

Amidst flicking my Swiss Army Knife and having this revelation, I have come to realize that this truly is not a world to live in. Therefore, I shall be talking the next flight to Mars or take a holiday amongst moronically dense beings in Jupiter, who for better understanding are like cousins of George W. Bush, only more evolved {they do not chocke on pretzels}.

As I leave this hopeless world and board my X-5268 {Porche, eat your heart out} I shall leave those still hanging on to this planet with useful advice. An old Arab saying that will put things into clearer perspective for you.

“The world is like a cucumber – today its in your hand, tomorrow its up your arse”

P.S. Live it up, while its still in your hand.